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okay, so remember the "dream entry?"
well, i finally heard from "girl 1."
(she's the one that dreamed i came out to our friend "girl 2.")

okay...so i'm going to start using "names."
girl 1 will now be known as lucy and girl 2 will be known as lisa.


so anyway, lucy finally texted me two days ago. and it seems that things aren't as akward as i thought they would be. we didn't even talk about the dream. we just started talking about random things as if the dream never happened.

however, she did invite me and lisa to her place next week. she said we'll hang out and make cookies. she got a new oven. lol.
(reminder: lucy is the one that goes to college a few hours away...and lisa is the one that lives near me.)

okay, so now i'm really contemplating whether or not i should come out to them when i go down there.
i still can't help it-everytime i think about telling someone i always start feeling scared.

i WANT to be ready. but i dont know if i AM ready. *sigh*

if i decide to come out, i'm not sure how i'll do it.
i'll probably just bring up the dream again and work it in.

the only problem is once i come out to somebody, i'll feel really guilty not telling my parents. i've always been pretty honest with them and always thought i'd tell them before anybody else.
i know i've been "lying" to them and my friends all along, but once someone knows, i'll feel like i'm really "lying" to parents.
all i want is for me to be completely open and honest and have them accept me for who i am--as their son who just happens to be gay.
...argh...why does this have to be so difficult.
okay, well, i need sleep.

good night.