hot and whatnot

after high school, i left to college 1.

new campus, new people, new surroundings, new everything!
thinking back, it could've been a new begining for me.

i didn't know anyone and nobody knew me. all of my friends from high school went to different colleges.
essentially, i could have started living my life openly right from the get-go.

there's just a tiny problem...
...i wasn't ready and i still hadn't come to fully accept it. it's this new place and i wanted to fit in and make some new friends. thinking about coming out in this new environment was probably the last thing on my mind.
besides, i was just waiting for the "phase" to pass already.

okay, now cut to me some weeks later. i made a few friends and i was adjusting to the new campus pretty well.

well, one day i went to the eating area/food court alone to get something to eat. i bought my food then went to go find a seat.
boy, did i pick a bad time to eat lunch. the place was packed. i couldn't find any emtpy tables. i walked around, glancing from table to table, hoping somebody would be getting up soon.
it didn't happen.

but, i did come across this round table where this girl happened to be eating and doing homework alone. all the other surrounding chairs were empty. it didn't look like she was saving them or expecting anybody to come sit with her.

"are these seats taken?"
"no."
"do you mind if i eat here, i couldn't find any empty tables."
"oh, not at all, go ahead, it's fine."

i would feel a little bit akward if i were to just sit there and begin eating, so i engaged in some small talk.
you know,
where are you from, what's your major, how do you like it, and so on.

she was really nice and we laughed a lot. she even asked me if i could help her with her homework. it was math. (yuck! lol.) i was able to help with some of it. she then finished her meal and packed up so she could head to class. she thanked me and then started writing down her number. i recirocated by giving her mine. i figured we could become friends and keep in touch.

but later i began to think she thought there was potential for being more than "just friends." she called me the next day and asked if i wanted to join her for lunch again.
i said sure and so we did.
i began thinking maybe we could be "more than just friends" as well. she was pretty and funny. i always figured i really never had many girlfriends because i never went looking for them. but here was this girl i just met. maybe there's room for a potential girlfriend. could my "phase" really be passing? see, i just hadn't met the right girl, right?

well, we had a few lunches together and talked on aim for about a week.
then i learned about her exboyfriend. apparently, they had just broken up before college because they were going to two different schools, which were really far apart. that's when i began to feel like she still had feelings for him. there was definately "emotional baggage."
i decided i really didn't want to be anything, but friends. we started talking less and less because midterms were coming up and we started studying more and whatnot. somehow we managed to stop talking to each other completely and i haven't heard from her since.
it's pretty good it worked out the way it did. i mean, she had her issues and i had mine. for some reason, i was still attracted to guys. i never really felt attracted to her, but i told myself i was because she was pretty.
i can tell when girls are pretty/attractive, but i have difficulty saying things like, "she's hot."

i feel weird saying girls are "hot."
i really don't see girls being "hot" the same way someone could describe a guy being "hot." there are a few exceptions though.
who you ask?
well, i'd say eva longoria is pretty "hot." lol.
okay, so i'm not even sure if all this talking about being "hot" and whatnot makes sense to anybody...but it seems to be making sense in my head right now, lol.




alrighty, so i want to make this blog somewhat interactive.
so for my next blog i want you to choose tomorrow's topic.

do you want to read about "my new friends" or "my girlfriend?"
i think both have potential to make interesting entries. we'll see how it goes.
okay, so which ever one gets the most votes by tmrw will be my topic.
to vote, just go the comment section and type which topic you want. i'm not expecting many voters. i mean, all it takes is one person, lol.
and if i dont get any comments, then i'll just go ahead and choose it myself.
:)